Monday, February 7, 2011

losing control - on purpose

now that Our world knows we are expecting a new addition come august and that my sister and i have been busily trying to open a business i'm beginning to feel the Pressure! the pressure of Time that is. how often in life do we want things when we want them and find ourselves growing anxious if our desire isn't met in the timely fashion we desire?!? if you're anything like me... that can be quite often. i realize and acknowledge this and that's the first step to getting over it right? lol. one would like to think anyhow.
really what, or Who i should say, that helps me overcome my anxiousness is God.  my goodness i would NOT know what to do without having Him to call upon (&talk with), daily, but especially during times like these.  thankfully over the years i've learned there is Not Anything that you can't talk to the Lord about, from the 'uh-ohs' in life to the 'Help Me's (or help a friend/family member), right on down to the 'what should i do's?' there is No possible way i would know how to tackle life without having God at the center of it all. 
so i guess as this new addition to our family comes as a Surprise to so many, i honestly must say it's come as somewhat of an even bigger surprise to me (yes i do know where babies come from =)! but that's right... my mind had begun the process of settling on the fact that my body was designed to give birth to one and our family would grow by means of adoption later down the road (still an awesome desire joe & i both would like to see happen one day). and the crazy thing about the mind is, you can really set it on something! lol. even as i watched the sonogram monitor last week at the dr.'s office, confirming our squiggly little baby is growing well and has a "very strong heartbeat", i still found myself looking at that screen as if i was watching it all happen for someone else. 
blessed beyond belief and grateful that God is growing our family once more i still remind myself daily that Yes i'm actually pregnant again and an even bigger Yes God does know what He's doing and His timing is Perfect. my timing is well, more often differently played out in my head. lol. however i Must admit that the more i step back and 'lose control' and allow Him to take over my time... things Do Always turn out better.  those same things don't always come easy though, and sometimes come along with trials and anxieties of their own, but they Do turn out better than i could have imagined in the end.  
so as i take many deep breaths i remind myself that "All things work out for the good for those who Love the Lord" and that He does have "good plans for my future" (and for YOURS).  i will try, like many of you, to not let the Big picture overwhelm me, to take things more often One day at a time, and to do my small part in this Great Big World more often with a smile on my face then an 'how am i going to pull this off' on my tongue!

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